The following entry was originally posted to bmx.mysticnegro.com, enjoy it here... (I have no idea where the formatting went)

 

Well, just got back from the Progressive contest and there were, of course, more than a handful of random observations to be made by me, the Mystic Negro…

  • I ambushed Chuck with a big hug when he walked in. It was payback, since he thought I needed a hug when I quit ATL. No Chuck, you needed the hug.
  • Barry Malik told me that I can’t quit ATL. When I told him that I was done, he told me I had to step up Mystic Negro. I was all, “Hells naw, I’m out of the BMX blogging game, dawg! Fuck that noise!!!” No I wasn’t, I just kind of nodded said, “I will” and ran away from the compliments he was tossing out about my writing as fast as my short little legs could carry me. No, seriously, I blushed, mumbled and tried to meld into the back of a ramp. I don’t take compliments well at all. Also, my height is mostly in my torso.
  • Jason Williams was there on camera duty for Ride. I know, I said that only Ryan Fudger is allowed to work for Ride. I believe they saw Jason and were like, “Wow, he can kick all of our asses.” He took a picture of Kent and me together which, I believe, made us both want to smack him upside the head…but dude can kick both our asses, Kent weighs like 43 pounds and I’m out of shape like a mofo.
  • Speaking of Kent, he had on baseball cap forwards. This caused me to start praying furiously as it is written in the Book of Revelations that “shortly after the backwards rolling one is seen with a forwards facing head covering fire shall rain down upon the land.” Or something. Revelations always freaked the crap out of me in Sunday School.
  • Russell was doing his best to injure something on every part of his body. Seriously, he missed a barspin and rolled his ankle. He got pissed off at that and punched a wall (or a railing, I honestly missed the what after the punch) and jammed his finger. He has a broken toe and he hurt himself in one more way that I can’t remember after that. I told him he needed to break his nose since he was missing something on his head.
  • Not to let the opportunity go to waste, Russ milked his injuries by having the cute 99X girls go get him stuff for his injuries. You know what girls love more than an athlete? An injured athlete.
  • Speaking of the cute 99X girls, the blonde one was nice and personable and while we were on the deck she even decided to conversate* with me. But the brown one, while positively smoking, yeah, she walked around like she was being flogged. Come on girl, smile.
  • Louis from 99X declared that he was so hot he was sweating like his ancestors. Ohhhhhhh, funny mulatto boy. You were only sweating like HALF of your ancestors, the other half was on the porch under the fan.
  • Louis was also responsible for what I can only believe was an unintentionally ironic comment, “I keep trying to get the folks at 99X into alternative sports but, they’re like, ‘no, only young people are into that.’” I’ll just let you think about that for a second.
  • I would be remiss if I didn’t point out that 99X is the reason I bought a subscription to Sirius Satellite Radio. Seriously, it is everything wrong with radio. The problem is, it’s exactly as bad as every other channel.
  • Why Mystic Negro is more fun than ATL, I can tell you how I really feel about 99X instead of kissing the sponsor’s ass.
  • Nowak on the mic means that you will be made fun of for any perceived physical defect, or your penchant for wearing girl pants.
  • Devon is scary. He learned tailwhips like two months ago. I told him if he pulled a 3 whip I’d let him sit in my car, he pulled a three whip (yeah, you’re still not driving it, Smilie). He officially gave up his am status today, with a pro win in his first pro contest.
  • Oh yeah, he also had on a dog leash as a belt.
  • And he’s faster than his dad around a motorcross track.
  • Eric Miller pulled off a tire grab 720. What kind of craziness is that?
  • Before the contest even started, Noel managed to blow his front tire up real good. Fortunately Todd was there with a wheel for him to borrow.
  • Rob C. can manual better than you, he can also view the course in ways that you can’t. Maybe if you cut his head open like Sylar from Heroes you’d gain his super powers. Actually, you’d just earn yourself free lifetime residence in Oz.
  • Dalton Smith actually did a run of nothing but goofy having fun stuff on his bike. Dalton, I salute you.
  • He was not to be outdone by Girlpants James who, along with Kent is part of “Team You Can’t Do Our Tricks Into a Foam Pit.” I can’t wait for the t-shirts.
  • Nobody in Rome can afford brakes
  • I stole that joke from Nowak.
  • It is rumored that a certain full face wearing rider will be entering at least one flat contest in ‘08. Of course there IS only one flat contest in ‘08, so that helps.
  • Russell Summerville has the fastest backflips of all time. Seriously, kid spins at like 900 miles an hour.
  • Nowak was calling people out during their runs.  Apparently he wanted to see someone die.  That must’ve been disappointing to him that people were only maimed.
  • I need a new color for my bike as everyone’s rocking the white on white now.  Maybe paisley.  Maybe I’ll cover it in pages from old issues of Playboy.  Who am I kidding, I’m way to lazy for any of that.  But not too lazy to not pay someone to do it for me.
  • Kids entered intermediate and were trying to throw three flips.
  • There was a time when Mick wouldn’t even acknowledge my presence, now he starts conversations with me.  *sniff* The little guy’s becoming a man.  Or at least more mature than Devon.
  • Barry, if you’re going to carry around a newsroom camera, you have to let the outside world see some of the fiftyleven hours of footage you’ve shot.  I’m going to start a petition at MakeBarryShowUsTheTapes.Com
  • No I’m not, crap, people, are you dumb?
  • I had a 99X sweat wiper towel, but I lost it.  It made me sad, because sweat in your eyes stings.
  • I decided to wear my glasses because, “It’s all sorts of overcast, I won’t need shades or anything.”  I am an idiot.
  • I think that’s it.  Pictures are coming.  I took 360 or so of them, so it’ll be a minute.

*”Conversate” is not a real word. Please, stop using it.

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