thoughts on edits with jockstraps/advice on wrapping up

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9/10/2018 8:09 PM

Hey dudes (sorry dudettes you’re probably not going to be as involved in this one-with all due respect but of course you’re welcome to slide right in!) so I was riding my bike and suddenly realized that I’m straddling a rigid (now look here I’m a hard man but we’re talking 4130 chromoly here!!) machine made of tubes of metal with ends and edges and snaggers and gapers and suddenly I’ve realized that this may pose a threat to my sturdy but compared-to-a-bicycle-delicately-constructed manhood.


No matter what I do, I can’t figure out how to ride/hop/land curb rolls without the bike being basically directly underneath me, which is where my problem resides...as my feet are usually on the pedals and my feet go up to my legs and my legs meet at the gooch (or “inseam” if you’re a tailor) it seems that all the force in a potential crash/blowoff/kabiff is directed towards the most important thing in the history of human culture and civilization, the pillar of creation/sword of destiny/staff of moses...I can’t live without it, I don’t want to lose it!


I’d be okay with occasional bruising due to light taps and medium soft to healthily vigorous rubbing/brushing but as i progress I’m worried that these love taps will turn into something entirely more dangerous and I don’t want to deal with much swelling or permanent damage...

So most importantly, does anyone have a jockstrap or cockguard that seems to be sturdy enough to withstand the force of hundreds (maybe thousands!) of pounds of force onto thin piece of metal, with enough padding to not still transfer the energy of the impact, smashing my biscuits instead of mangling them? Maybe you have one laying around you don’t use and could send me it to try out?? I’d be happy to pay postage and send a picture honoring it...I’ve got a classic sized cock and big balls in case a certain companies design is better fit for this kind of build...let me know your experiences/proportions so we can see if we want to work something out.

And of course, what are your opinions on edits with jockstraps? Do you think they affect a riders personal style; do they disrupt a riders lines? Do you think riders that don’t wear cups should be castrated? I personally think that riding is cool no matter what but that doing sex is a little bit cooler so riders that don’t wear cups aren’t banging enough to put a priority on their prize so I don’t respect riders that don’t wear cups and think they’re limp sexless creeps and won’t support those that don’t support...that being said I will NOT slap across even one more bump until I get myself protection.

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account here is less about my and more about bike

9/10/2018 8:41 PM

Get a sex change , you can win woman of the year next year and not smash your balls , worked great for bruce Jenner

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9/10/2018 8:59 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/11/2018 12:54 AM

You have raised some great points here. I’m also in the market for some sort of protection for my meat and two veg. I propose a share-strap. Forum members that are interested can share the cost of purchasing the best strap we can find, and then a schedule can be drawn up for usage. Laundering costs could also be shared, or we could all just agree to sweat minimally and save some cash. What do you blokes reckon?

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Don’t put 25.4 bars in a 22.2 stem.

9/10/2018 9:35 PM
Edited Date/Time: 9/10/2018 9:36 PM

Ease off the punctuation. 1, is fine! 2, is odd!! 3, is perfect!!! And don't start a paragraph/sentence off with "And" find a better word, you're smarter than that.cool Learn this. Read things back to yourself out-loud. You missed the "i" in paragraph 2. I'll give you a B-. You knew better than to start a sentence with and. Besides that, good job, having too many "/" can cause the reader to get bored/annoyed/tired/exhausted/thirsty/hungry and get redundant.

Don't land on your balls. I tape mine to the side.

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9/10/2018 9:50 PM

ThatSeanimal wrote:

Ease off the punctuation. 1, is fine! 2, is odd!! 3, is perfect!!! And don't start a paragraph/sentence off with "And" find a ...more

Did you used to have an account here years ago? Your username seems familiar.

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I love my bike but i hate myself
bike check

IG @curtis_cantbmxwell
@powersbikeshop
@kirolling

9/10/2018 11:23 PM

i had a friend we called, "balls out" because he tore his sack really bad and got stitches.

I hit mine on my stem once really hard and bled from them.

also landed on my anus twice on a handrail. and bled.... not really a good time.

i have no suggestions for you.

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9/11/2018 4:22 AM

If I'm working on something and I'm afraid of a nasty tapper, I'll toss on my hockey jock shorts. They are light shorts that have the jock strap/cup built right into them. They fit comfortably under my jeans and do the trick for me. I think they run about $15-$20.

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Hey, I'm trying!
Instagram

9/11/2018 4:26 AM

The worst is smashing them in the back wheel! that's the real danger. Your meat works as a good brake, though you might get the blue balls.
I don't suggest anyone trying. It's happened to me only once but I can tell you it was not pretty.

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9/11/2018 4:28 AM

Thankfully ive never had my bike and my meat collide together... thats why i like a pretty much slammed seat lmaolaughing

I have had my ass grab my tire a few times airing quarters, hips, etc lol

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I don't crash, I do random gravity checks...

9/11/2018 5:27 AM

Wearing a jock strap isn't street. If I think someone is wearing one I won't even watch the edit.

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9/11/2018 5:43 AM

grumpySteve wrote:

Wearing a jock strap isn't street. If I think someone is wearing one I won't even watch the edit.

laughing laughing laughing
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I don't crash, I do random gravity checks...

9/11/2018 6:21 AM

grumpySteve wrote:

Wearing a jock strap isn't street. If I think someone is wearing one I won't even watch the edit.

If someone was wearing only a jockstrap then I'd have to watch it tho.

But for real, being a husky man (like Spenny Foreskin would say) makes it harder to get sucked between the rear wheel and seat. Other kinds of nutcrackers are a serious hazard tho, but it seems like I always hit something else instead of the nuts. I guess I've been lucky?

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9/11/2018 6:24 AM

Compression shorts. That is all.

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BMX over 30: Eat clean, Stretch, and Pray.

9/11/2018 7:49 AM

I'm street as hell. I'll keep riding with no protection, my leopard print seat is quite enough...

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9/11/2018 8:20 AM

I prefer to ride with ice packs in my underwear and then nature does the rest

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Hmmm

9/11/2018 8:22 AM

Edman123 wrote:

I prefer to ride with ice packs in my underwear and then nature does the rest

That makes you moist.

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BMX over 30: Eat clean, Stretch, and Pray.

9/11/2018 8:46 AM

Who needs reproductive parts? I ride a BMX- No one's having sex with me.

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9/11/2018 8:53 AM

Phunny93 wrote:

Who needs reproductive parts? I ride a BMX- No one's having sex with me.

Truer words have never been spoken...

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9/11/2018 9:48 AM

Phunny93 wrote:

Who needs reproductive parts? I ride a BMX- No one's having sex with me.

Biggest facts

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I love my bike but i hate myself
bike check

IG @curtis_cantbmxwell
@powersbikeshop
@kirolling

9/12/2018 10:20 AM

Lower your seat and get some quality athletic boxer briefs that keep your boys out of harms way. I’ve never smashed my nutz

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9/12/2018 12:45 PM

Phunny93 wrote:

Who needs reproductive parts? I ride a BMX- No one's having sex with me.

R willy rides a scooter and look what he can pull off

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An Indian on a small bike

9/12/2018 1:20 PM

Ved_goswami wrote:

R willy rides a scooter and look what he can pull off

That dude is one of the goofiest looking human beings on earth.

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BMX over 30: Eat clean, Stretch, and Pray.

9/12/2018 1:40 PM

Phunny93 wrote:

Who needs reproductive parts? I ride a BMX- No one's having sex with me.

Ved_goswami wrote:

R willy rides a scooter and look what he can pull off

TheDarkEnergist wrote:

That dude is one of the goofiest looking human beings on earth.

Exactly.

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An Indian on a small bike

9/17/2018 9:51 PM

ThatSeanimal wrote:

Ease off the punctuation. 1, is fine! 2, is odd!! 3, is perfect!!! And don't start a paragraph/sentence off with "And" find a ...more

blaaaaaaaaa wrote:

Did you used to have an account here years ago? Your username seems familiar.

I did! It was TheSeanimal or something like that. Just kidding, I googled myself. It was SEANimal757.

Glad to see I was thought of.

https://www.vitalbmx.com/forums/General-BMX-Talk,2/Anyone-remember-seanimal,1291066

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