Cancer

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1/7/2016 3:55 AM

I heard about 6 weeks ago that my dad has cancer. Then between Christmas and new year found out operating on it is out of the question because he had heart failure 3 years ago. They've considered chemo, but that can induce heart attacks, which his heart won't cope with. Also, he watched his friend, who was on chemo, suffer for a year before dying.
If he goes ahead with chemo it could kill him, or make him ill for the rest of the time he has left. If he doesn't, they've given him 6 to 18 months to live.

I can't say it out loud. I guess that's why I'm typing this.
I know plenty of other people have been, and will go through this, and it's utterly shit.

I'm a bit of an emotional wreck because of it. I don't want him to die. I don't want him to suffer, but both are inevitable.
It's also made me realise my own mortality. Knowing I'll die one day and my son will be going through this is such a horrifying feeling.

This probably isn't the best place to type this sort of stuff but I need to vent it somehow, and I can't bring myself to talk about it.

I apologise whole heartedly for being a twat recently. I'm not expecting sympathy, or to be excused from how I've acted. But I'm usually not as much of a nob.
This is really tough for me.
Anyone else going through this, be reassured, there are other people going through it and you're not alone. It's ok to find it hard to deal with and break down once in a while.

Sorry again guys.

Feel free to share your own feelings here if you've been or are going through something similar

smile

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1/7/2016 6:47 AM

Sorry to hear that. Cancer really is just terrible. About 11 years ago my dad had colon cancer. I didn't really know what was going on at the time because i was only five, all i knew was dad is sick and has to be at the hospital for a long time. Thankfully the surgery and chemo worked. Scary to think about if it hadn't. A couple years ago my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer. They did chemo and the cancer went away, but he was never healthy again. He was bed ridden for a year in pain barely able to move or eat. It was really hard to see him like that because he had always had so much energy before that. I'm not sure what good me telling you this was but anyways, cancer really is just the worst.

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1/7/2016 8:31 AM

It's shit.
My dad was always really active, even after he retired he couldn't sit still. Then the heart failure took that away. It's bad enough knowing he can't be as active as he wants because of his heart.
I don't think I've ever felt so vulnerable, and I'm not even the one going through it.

I'm glad your dad was ok in the end buddy

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1/7/2016 12:39 PM

My mom had Stage 1 breast cancer.

She got some chemo and it killed the cancer cells on the breast.

Weird thing was, due to the chemo, her immune system turned to shit and the cancer cells in the lungs activated.

She opted to remove 1 breast and chemo the lung cancer.

She pretty much had like 2 chemo sessions in a span of 1.5 years.

2 years after that, she's healthy and cancer free.

My mom is a trooper. smile

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1/7/2016 1:07 PM
Edited Date/Time: 1/7/2016 1:08 PM

Cancer sucks. I lost my Grandpa to prostate cancer. My wife's Grandpa had lung cancer and died last year.

It sucks in general. It is a very eye-opening experience to have someone close pass away. The best advice I have ever been given is to live each day knowing that you did your best with everything you could, and you enjoyed those around you as best you could.

Not to get morbid, but nobody gets out of life alive. In time none of us will be here. Make the best of the life you have, change things to make it better, and cherish the time you have with people while they are here.

**EDIT: IN NO WAY IS THIS AN EXCUSE TO DO ILLEGAL THINGS/CAUSE HARM TO OTHERS.

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1/7/2016 1:40 PM

It's completely divided my idea's on what I want to do with the rest of my own life. Part of me wants try harder to be more successful, bigger house, nice car, good career etc. (to make my dad proud I guess)
But it's also made me want to just piss about more and not take anything too seriously. Almost stop caring as much about anything, and be a bit more in it for myself.
Either way, my brothers and I are putting more effort into seeing him, getting his grand kids round there, and generally letting him know we're here if he needs anything. We weren't a very close family before really. But knowing he could be gone makes me wish so much that I put more effort in, and was generally a better kid.

It's good to hear some people have had a happy ending after going through similar

Sorry if it seems like I keep going on, but like I said. I can't talk about this. Typing it seems so much easier

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1/7/2016 7:13 PM
Edited Date/Time: 1/7/2016 7:16 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

It's completely divided my idea's on what I want to do with the rest of my own life. Part of me wants try harder to be more ...more

Do what you gotta do man, I too have been conflicted. on one hand I could work a ton of OT or go back to school to earn more money and have a bigger home etc, but on the other hand I am happier knowing I get to see my son grow up. There is a fine balance where you can work a ton etc and buy all these great things, but if you are always working you won't have much time to enjoy them.

If I was not married with a kid I would spend my winters working a TON and take a solid month off each year and just travel and ride. But I love my wife and my son, and would rather make ends meet enough and spend time with them than work all the time to provide big house etc and never be there for them, and I know they both appreciate me being around when i am.

Cherish your times with your family and friends, and doing what you love to do. That's the best way to live a happy life.

And honestly I don't know your Dad, but I would bet he is proud already, and would rather see you be a good person.

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"Hey anybody ever make that mistake like right when you wake up in the morning and you believe in yourself?" -Kyle Kinane

"BIKES!" -Tom Segura

1/7/2016 9:35 PM

That's rough man life is harsh

My dad died on my 16th birthday from diabetes , and right now the girl I'm seeings dad just went to the hospital from his cancer spreading to his brain giving him a stroke , not much you can do in tough situations like that , if your into rectreational drug and alchohol use its deffinatly best to stay away from that stuff till you get over it

Life's a bitch and everyone goes through it hang tough in their man

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1/8/2016 8:36 AM

dave lawrence wrote:

Do what you gotta do man, I too have been conflicted. on one hand I could work a ton of OT or go back to school to earn more ...more

You're so right. I've always been about for my son. I think even though he's only 7 he appreciates time with me more than having money. I mean, we're not poor, but we're also not well off enough to be able to do whatever we want. He loves just chilling out with me. I've got a pretty good work/family balance, which I wouldn't want to ruin. But a bit more freedom with money would be nice!

Thanks for all the comments. Feel free to leave more, even if you just want to vent some emotions.
It's strangely comforting knowing others have been and are going through the same thing.
If anyone wants a more private chat about it just send me a message or something

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1/8/2016 4:56 PM

One of my biggest regrets in life is not getting to know my grandpa better and spend more time with him before he died of prostate cancer. I was pretty young at the time and didn't really understand what cancer was. All I knew is he was very sick and we went to visit him a lot. As embarrassing as this is, I never wanted to be around him because I was scared that I would get sick too (little kid brain dictates that sickness=germs=contagious) now he's gone and honestly, I feel like shit everytime someone tells a story about how cool he was.

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1/8/2016 5:29 PM

My condolences man, I got plenty of shit on my plate too. Dad left me and my mom a week before Christmas.

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1/8/2016 7:19 PM

Collin_McClenahan wrote:

One of my biggest regrets in life is not getting to know my grandpa better and spend more time with him before he died of ...more

I'm the same way, however my lack of seeing him was due to a divorce and hearing only one side of the reasons behind said divorce. I didn't talk to my dad for nearly a decade and didn't see my grandpa more than 2-3 times during that decade at funerals before he passed away. I'm bummed about the lack of being able to talk to him/see him due to stupid reasons, BUT I know he was an awesome guy and a war Vet.

Now my Dad is more in my and my son's life than my Mother has been over the last 5+ years.

He actively WANTS to see his ONLY grandkid and is more than willing to drive 90+ miles one way to come see us for a few hours, whereas my mother hasn't taken the time to drive the 64 miles to come see him in a year despite multiple invites. (we have gone to my Dad's several times, but my mother's house is in the middle of a MASSIVE remodel, so the walls and floors are ripped up so it is SUPER dangerous for a walking infant/toddler, plus my mother and stepdad smoke-not good for little lungs).

Bums me out that she "wants" to see him but will not put in the effort to do so. What the big kicker is, they drive WITHIN 5 MILES OF MY HOME when they go to the cabin, and refuse to stop even to meet for lunch/dinner. I gave my mom the ultimatum that unless she puts in a little effort, she won't really know her only grandchild very well. Still hasn't changed anything. Her excuse has always been "well you never invite me and I don't want to be a bother" which is ridiculous when she has been told she can come by ANY TIME, we just ask for a phone call heads up to make sure we aren't busy. Never happens.

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"Hey anybody ever make that mistake like right when you wake up in the morning and you believe in yourself?" -Kyle Kinane

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1/12/2016 2:07 AM

My Grandpa had cancer and I watched him die slowly over 2 years while hating all treatments given to him . Some helped , some didn't .

In all honesty , not being this guy , but give him marijuana . Cookies , oil pills , whatever . It should make a vast difference . It might help the cancer as well . I know for a fact , and my mom agrees , it would have helped my Grandma when she passed before my Grandpa did . If I end up like this , I would want some marijuana.

It sounds fucked and I'm no fucking advocate or devils - herb guy or that shit but before you laugh or doubt it , give it a shot ... if odds are against him and chemo isn't an option than let him live his life in peace , or at least without any pain .

Sorry about your situation.

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1/15/2016 12:40 PM

Brayden_Buckingham wrote:

My Grandpa had cancer and I watched him die slowly over 2 years while hating all treatments given to him . Some helped , some ...more

I agree. I rather die happy.

And marijuana wouldn't directly help. It's not medicine, but it is a helpful drug in some cases. Especially for patients going though chemotherapy. It gives them their appetite back (in most cases) which is important to the immune system. And I think the THC helping the brain release dopamine has a much more positive effect on the depleted immune system. Cancer is rough either way, and i'd be damn sure that's what i'd be doing if I did get it. (Probably will, so many people get it in their lives) But I sure hope I don't.

That's rough to hear. My grandpa passed away today. He had skin cancer, and the blood thinner they had given him implemented the stroke that put him into the hospital.

I understand that death is a necessary part of life. It's like an end to a story, if it doesn't happen nothing makes sense. I don't believe in a heaven or hell, but that a spirit only truly dies silently. When no one remembers the person who isn't alive, their spirit leaves. But I will always remember my grandfather, and therefore his spirit lives on in all of us.

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1/15/2016 11:15 PM

"Cancer" also known as "Malignant Tumor" OR "Malignant Neoplasm", is a Group of Diseases Involving Abnormal Cell Growth with the Potential to Invade OR Spread to other Parts of the Body. Not all Tumors are Cancerous : Benign Tumors do not Spread to other Parts of the Body. Possible Signs & Symptoms Include : a New Lump, Abnormal Bleeding, a Prolonged Cough, Unexplained Weight Loss, and a Change in Bowel Movements among others. While these Symptoms may Indicate Cancer, they may also Occur due to other Issues. There are Over 100 Different known Cancers that Affect Humans.

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1/16/2016 2:56 AM

Apparently cannabis oil has helped cure cancer in the past, it all depends on the type of cancer. Although I have only heard this from pro cannabis websites so it's bound to be a bit biased.
My dad wouldn't try it, it's not his thing.

As an update, my dad's doctor has suggested chemo. He's not sure if he'll go ahead with it as it could kill him, or just make him ill for the time he's got left. It could prolong his life, and it could reduce the tumor. Not enough to save him though. I'll stand by his decision regardless. But I'd rather he made the most of his time while he can instead of risking not being well enough to do anything.

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1/17/2016 10:38 AM

my mom had stage 1 last year and that shit was spooky. i love you m8 i hope u get through this. spend a lot of time with your dad tho and remind him how much he means 2 u daily

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1/20/2016 7:36 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

Apparently cannabis oil has helped cure cancer in the past, it all depends on the type of cancer. Although I have only heard ...more

My Step Grandpa had lung cancer and they gave him one chemo treatment and it weakened him and he wasn't around more than another 2 months or so. They are wondering if he would have lasted longer without, but we will never know.

Just spend time with him, and make the most of the time you can. Then do something kickass in his memory if the time comes.

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"Hey anybody ever make that mistake like right when you wake up in the morning and you believe in yourself?" -Kyle Kinane

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1/21/2016 11:11 PM

Tobacoo Use is the Cause of about 22% of Cancer Deaths.

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2/15/2016 10:52 PM

In 2012 about 14.1 Million New Case of Cancer Occurred Globally, not Including Skin Cancer other than Melanoma. It Caused about 8.2 Million Deaths OR 14.6% of all Human Deaths.

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3/1/2016 5:19 PM

cancer fucking blows man. taken a few good folks that i know.

just keep posi about everything and do as good as you can. make pops proud while hes still around. and dude. limits on life like thaat dont mean shit. my friends pops was given 6 months to live and its been yearrrrrsssss with it. and he still drinks and smokes and does nothing to treat it.

so just keep your head up and sorry to hear and good luck homie

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3/12/2016 3:17 AM

It is such a very Dangerous Disease.

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4/6/2016 9:19 AM

Just as an update. We've all come to terms with it more now. Doesn't make it any easier, but it is what is.

He started chemo a few weeks ago, almost instant improvement. But the side effects kicked in badly so they stopped it. They've started chemo again and are adjusting the dosage.
He seems a lot better than he was. But it's still terrifying not knowing what or when the outcome will be. We've been trying to make the most of it, seeing him most weekends. But it's that time of year we keep getting ill and not wanting to pass it on!

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4/6/2016 10:11 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

Just as an update. We've all come to terms with it more now. Doesn't make it any easier, but it is what is.

He started chemo ...more

hey man, just look on the brighter end that its helping him instantly. im sure once the dosage is adjusted itll work out significantly better.

also. look into different fruits and whatnot shown to help with cancer. maybe thatll help out

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skooter... dont be a pussy

skooter: "WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE ME VODKA!?"
sketchytravis: "... because i like being drunk, and if i give you my vodka im not drunk as much"
Chuck8273: "Logical. I like this logic. "

4/7/2016 7:49 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

Just as an update. We've all come to terms with it more now. Doesn't make it any easier, but it is what is.

He started chemo ...more

At the very least loan him a computer or something with a camera and skype when you're sick!

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"Hey anybody ever make that mistake like right when you wake up in the morning and you believe in yourself?" -Kyle Kinane

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4/28/2017 1:07 PM

Well, my dad passed away last night. I really don't know why I'm putting this on here.
He was suffering pretty badly toward the end. But I've spent a fair bit of time with him over the last few months. And he went quietly.
This is a really fucked up feeling.
Now we've got some waiting to do until we can sort things out. I don't know what I'm supposed to be doing in the mean time.

I don't know how to tell my son, and that's tearing me up a lot.

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4/28/2017 3:42 PM
Edited Date/Time: 4/28/2017 3:42 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

Well, my dad passed away last night. I really don't know why I'm putting this on here.
He was suffering pretty badly toward ...more

Shit steve sorry to hear that man, I went through the cancer thing with my dad 18 months ago, his was kidney and operable so he just needs some yearly checks after they cut it all out, lost my grandfather to prostrate cancer about 10 years ago

what age is your son?

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4/28/2017 7:45 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

Well, my dad passed away last night. I really don't know why I'm putting this on here.
He was suffering pretty badly toward ...more

My condolences man...that sucks so hard.

A buddy of mine died from Epilepsy a few years back-I found out through his cousin's wife (who I went to highschool with) on facebook. It wasn't confirmed for me until about 7 hours later from another buddy who found him and performed CPR for a long time.

Whatever you do, just be there. Your son was around and knew he was ill, it might not be as hard as you think. If you have any religious beliefs, spin it along those and that he is no longer suffering.

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"Hey anybody ever make that mistake like right when you wake up in the morning and you believe in yourself?" -Kyle Kinane

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5/6/2017 8:24 PM

grumpySteve wrote:

Well, my dad passed away last night. I really don't know why I'm putting this on here.
He was suffering pretty badly toward ...more

Just saw this. That's sad, and as I think we all kinda know, it's good to talk about it in whatever way...

I have sons too, and am not looking forward to their grandparents leaving their lives...
idk- first thing that came to mind for me was that you tell him, in your own way, that his grandpa loved him, and that you're gonna miss him, but that he (your son) can be sure that you and he will keep benefiting from the great lessons you learned from your dad. That you and your son can carry his life onward in a way as he grows up, and that you're proud of him.

That's always the case, but it's a good time to say it, and feel it. Best wishes

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5/6/2017 11:56 PM

Thanks guys.
I told my son a week ago (he's 8), he's been really good. We had a cry and a cuddle together. And he keeps telling me he's here for me, which is so sweet!
He lives with his mum, which has kind of made this easier as I was pretty bad company for the first few days.

Now it's just loads of sorting through stuff. And there's a lot of stuff! My dad had a 3 bedroom house with just him in it. Every cupboard and draw has stuff in it. Not to mention the garage!

For the last few months my son took an interest in guns and knives, which my dad was also very interested in. So we all connected over that. I felt closer to my dad those last months than I think I ever did before.
I'm keeping his old knife collection, and the gun memorabilia. My son was stoked when I bought a couple of empty shells home for him the other day!

It's all a very long process. But work have been OK with me taking time off to get stuff done. I just don't feel like going back until everything is sorted and done though.

I feel like I'm moving too quickly with starting my own company. But it's the thing that's keeping me occupied, it's giving me something to concentrate on. I feel like I can't sit still for 5 minutes, like I should be doing something, so it's helping me take my mind off things.

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