Party Night Help - Provides The LULZ

I think you finger raped a bitch.

Was she wasted? And I mean absolutely belligerent. Because I would say it's possible that she could sleep through you finger banging her. To save your own ass though, I would say something to her, like "I hope you slept well cuddling with me the other night" and if she responds "Yeah it was great until you began raping my tight pussy with your middle finger" then she probably didn't sleep through it. But if she responds "Of course, until that asshole slammed the door and woke me up!" then the coast is clear. Or you could even send her a text, have a conversation, lead her on to talking about the party, then bring up how you enjoyed cuddling with her, or something of that matter. If she replies "You finger banged me in my sleep you fucking pervert" then she is probably pissed at you, but if she agrees to enjoying her sleepy time by your side, then you may have dodged a bullet.

Well this was all Saturday night I messaged her on sunday saying, I think I left my phone at your house, I don't remember anything. she messaged back saying she didn't remember anything either but I'm pretty sure she does because she wasn't that drunk. I feel so terrible, rape? I'm never drinking like that again. I was so pissed about it I went home and punched my hand through drywall and fractured my pinkie knuckle and now I'm stuck inside feeling like shit and can't go ride to make myself feel better. She was 17 also if that makes it any different, uggh what if she thinks I put my dick in her or something? This totally sucks, I think I should probably talk to her about it.

Mackcey wrote:

I think you finger raped a bitch.

That hurt to read.

Just explain she was making noises and you put a finger in and she seemed to like it and them you noticed she was asleep ad stopped immediately... If shes cool she'll understand, if not, yeah you kinda raped someone...

loudsilence96 wrote:

Well this was all Saturday night I messaged her on sunday saying, I think I left my phone at your house, I don't remember anything. she messaged back saying she didn't remember anything either but I'm pretty sure she does because she wasn't that drunk. I feel so terrible, rape? I'm never drinking like that again. I was so pissed about it I went home and punched my hand through drywall and fractured my pinkie knuckle and now I'm stuck inside feeling like shit and can't go ride to make myself feel better. She was 17 also if that makes it any different, uggh what if she thinks I put my dick in her or something? This totally sucks, I think I should probably talk to her about it.

I am going to enlighten you on women...

I have had sexual relations with plenty of women in my life, some I am more proud of than others, and some I am god damned ashamed of. That's besides the point, but a women will certainly be able to tell the difference between your sausage fingers breaking into the pink and your rock hard cock. If you really feel that bad, then do something about it. Because there is one of two scenarios: 1. She honestly slept through it and doesn't recall a thing or 2. She is mad at the world because you put your unsanitary shocker in her cooter.

Now here is how you can approach it. You can call her up, or whatever you kids do these days, and tell her you think something happened between you two at night. If she claims she doesn't remember, then tell her that you kinda do. Don't go on a spill about how you ventured inside her inner baby maker with your favorite nose picking finger, but maybe suggest that you remember momentarily going down on her. At this point, things can go ape shit, but sometimes it's better to bring the skeletons out of your closet than hold them in because it's possible she is going through the same thing. She may think that you don't remember doing it, and is embarassed to tell you that you made her reach the big O while you were passed the fuck out. Or she may completely remember the situation, and want an apology (Girls are weird, they will never ask for it. They expect us males to be mind readers, but that's a whole other story). Or she may really not remember a damn thing, and then you can say "Well, I think my hand was resting above your baby maker and I copped a feel moments before the door slammed and then I went back to bed."

See, if she honestly does not remember, you can fib a little to lessen up the situation, but once you tell her you touched her sacred kitty cat, you have to follow through.

Sorry, I am on 50mg Vyvance to get some school work done, and I explained that way too extreme, but hopefully you get the idea.

Thanks for the lulz during a boring day at work hahahahaha

I had to let the secretary in on what is going on and she is laughing her ass off with me..

Night Light wrote:

Thanks for the lulz during a boring day at work hahahahaha

I had to let the secretary in on what is going on and she is laughing her ass off with me..

Honestly, I love writing, I think it's so fun to make fun of a situation while still giving important information.

I would love nothing more than to land a job working for a website or such writing funny articles about truthful information. Kinda like Cracked.com does. I am glad you enjoyed it.

Thanks man, you really helped me out and I really appreciate it, I think I'm going to talk to her about it in person tomorrow if I can, I think if I act like I feel like the worst piece of shit the world has to offer then she will feel bad for me (sadly that's kind of how I do feel). Yeah, I'll always be able to tell my friends how I raped a junior girl when I was 15. I really feel like I'm never going to get that drunk ever again.

JustRideBMX wrote:

Honestly, I love writing, I think it's so fun to make fun of a situation while still giving important information.

I would love nothing more than to land a job working for a website or such writing funny articles about truthful information. Kinda like Cracked.com does. I am glad you enjoyed it.

Do it man. Seriously this bitch over here is crying from laughing so damn hard.

That was actually quite a comical explanation of what went on. The moaning while she was asleep thing is definitely possible. Most dudes actually enjoy waking up to their woman blowing away. I personally act like I am asleep.

Edit: She's not a bitch I apologize.

loudsilence96 wrote:

Thanks man, you really helped me out and I really appreciate it, I think I'm going to talk to her about it in person tomorrow if I can, I think if I act like I feel like the worst piece of shit the world has to offer then she will feel bad for me (sadly that's kind of how I do feel). Yeah, I'll always be able to tell my friends how I raped a junior girl when I was 15. I really feel like I'm never going to get that drunk ever again.

I wouldn't consider it rape if you guys were spooning before she K.O.

Is your profile picture really you because that's the person I'm picturing in my head telling me this.
justridebmx that is

Thanks for making my day dude. I owe you one.

I don't care, it's a forum on a website calling the girl a bitch doesn't really make me feel bad considering it could be a lot worse,(if you called my friend a bitch or not if you're talking about the secretary) at least I get to talk to someone about it because I can't trust any of my friends with information.

I only edited that because the sec was standing behind and read where i referred to her as one

loudsilence96 wrote:

Is your profile picture really you because that's the person I'm picturing in my head telling me this.
justridebmx that is

LOL.
That is a guy off Youtube. He is in the Turquoise Jeep group...

LorenzoGallegos wrote:

LOL.
That is a guy off Youtube. He is in the Turquoise Jeep group...

Shhhh.....

Oh im pretty sure she knows, although she may never admit that fact to you.

Let me ask you this, was she wet down there when you started?

If so she was sexualy arrosed, sexually arroused because she was laying down with you. I think she knew what was going on and in fact liked it, but is trying to exscape the awkwardness of the situation by saying she doesnt remember anything or was asleep. Which is the exact thing your trying to do as well... lol

Basicly her slutdar is up, girls are horrified at the thought of anybody thinking that they are easy, when in fact most want the same exact thing we do. Getin freaky

My oppinion.

loudsilence96 wrote:

Thanks man, you really helped me out and I really appreciate it, I think I'm going to talk to her about it in person tomorrow if I can, I think if I act like I feel like the worst piece of shit the world has to offer then she will feel bad for me (sadly that's kind of how I do feel). Yeah, I'll always be able to tell my friends how I raped a junior girl when I was 15. I really feel like I'm never going to get that drunk ever again.

You poor child...

There are things you tell your friends, parents, guardians, pets, and your masturbating wrist and things that you don't tell them. I know you feel bad for yourself, but honestly, there are worse situations that are going to happen in your life. I know you are young, but trust me, shit will get worse. Just because you gave a girl a glorious orgasm while she dreamed of Unicorns jumping over Uranus doesn't mean you are a bad person, it just means that you are a horny drunk. I am assuming you had a little too much Tequila and I would suggest cutting that out of your drunken rampage of being a Sexsomniac. So besides seeing a psychiatrist for being only a heart beat away from Necrophilia, you should laugh it off and forget it ever happened.

Honestly, you can make light of the situation for you and her. If you want to make light of it, you can always think to yourself "I am so good at wiggling my fingers in the fortitude of a women that sleeping or awake, I can make her climax at will" Imagine the street cred you will receive for this accomplishment. I can see it now, you get on the bus in the morning and all the girls snicker saying "I hear he can turn any vagina into a waterfall of pussy juice with just seconds of twiddling his fingers in my twat."

Or of course, you can take the approach that left you on the confines of Vital Bmx. You are being a depressed Freshman because his first experience with a kitty cat was with a girl snoozing. Punching walls and crying about it aren't a good solution, just take some action. You can't change the past, but you can change the future. Man up, grow some hair on your prepubescent nut sack and fix it yourself.

Rookie mistake, never even think about telling your parents about a sexual experience you had. Especially if she was asleep. That may not settle well, and for all I know, they may send you to a Insane Asylum. Another rookie mistake, don't tell your boys about hooking up with some random girl at a party. And I will enlighten you on why. Unless you have been talking about hooking up with a girl for months and finally grew a pair large enough to approach her vagina with a hard dick then never go around bragging about making love to your boys. Girls are weird, girls like a guy that can keep it on the down low. If every time you make out, finger bang, or fuck a girl you go back to your boys and celebrate about what a glorious experience it was, then girls will catch on after a while, and not wanna throw their ham wallet in your direction. Just a tip from a Love Guru.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ham wallet

LOL this is partially why I never drink, dude haha.

cardambass wrote:

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA, ham wallet

The Bloodhound Gang made me do it.

this thread brings the lulz
i love your explanations seth

Your story has gotten my mind going absolutely bat shit insane, and I decided I would ask some questions regarding your situation just so my fap time will not be interrupted by false or missing information.

- Were you spooning bare back? As in, was the bitch nude.
- If so, did you just thrust your hand down there and make your way into her interworkings or did you incorporate a little foreplay to loosen her up before hand?
- If not, did you slide your hand inside her pants in order to make moves into her kitten, or did you slide her pants off?
- Was she wearing panties?
- If so, what color were they and what type of under garments was she yielding?
- If not, did this make you more excited to get that pooty tang?
- Was it a slippery slope before entering or was she dry as you slithered into her Chamber of Secrets?
- Did her Venus Cum Trap remind you of deli meat? Such as roast beef?
- How was her landscape? Was it a rain forest or a desert?
- Once exiting her taco, how was her lady juice exposed of?
- And last but not least, is the reason why are you remorseful because you wish she could have experienced the full fury of your phalanges awake, or are you remorseful because you found out on that very night, that vagina is not for you?

Please get back at me with your very truthful answers so my hand party tonight can be the uttermost effective.

hahahahaha Seth your killing me

Night Light wrote:

hahahahaha Seth your killing me

I'm sorry. I am a depressed and stressed out college student at the moment and the only thing to occupy my mind right now is by releasing every crude and down right ridiculous comment my brain can think of. Take it or leave it, but as long as somebody can contribute to the conversation, I will be here.

If your terrible at fingering girls your good haha. Just messin' bro don't sweat it.

EDIT: wait, wait, wait, why were you spooning with two dudes in the first place.

The more I think about it, what if she was moaning and grabbing the sheets because she was having a night mare about somebody raping her innocent, virgin pussy. Then when the door slammed she woke up, and your fingers were nowhere close to her goods. But like most dreams, you forget them instantly, so she thought nothing of it and went back to bed.

You have to think of every outcome man, and until you verify the situation, it's still a possibility.